Onwards and Upwards
I swear I used to be 177cm tall. But these days I’m a solid 176. 🤷♂️
This won’t do. My life has shrunk enough over the last 3 years, I refuse to let the same thing happen to my height. 😡
So I got myself a fresh new haircut, and now I’m up to 178. 🙌
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Just Call Me Master
Writing a postgraduate dissertation about modern China - as a foreigner, living in China, at a Chinese university - isn’t exactly easy these days. But creativity will always find a way.
I’m happy to have threaded the needle, and have finally received my Masters in Philosophy. Big thanks go to my supervisor, my professors, and everyone in the School of Humanities at Shanghai Jiao Tong University.👨🎓🎊
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The Mosaic of China Podcast Enters its Third Season
Like many of us in Shanghai, I’ve been feeling thoroughly displeased for the last few months. But I’ve decided that it’s time to come out of mourning for ‘life before COVID-Zero’ and to start living again. Or at least to enjoy whatever window of freedom we have been granted for this moment.
Luckily, I found 200 people who felt the same way, and we gathered in Shanghai to celebrate the Season 03 launch of the Mosaic of China podcast. With a fantastic slate of 30 new guests coming up over the next 30 weeks, this season is the reminder we all needed that there are still some amazing people under our noses, representing 30 unique perspectives on what it’s like to live and work in China. A true Mosaic.
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The Humanising Effect of the Well-timed Selfie
I’m posting this photo from an excursion I took in South-West China just yesterday. Before raising my camera, the people on this tourist bus were keeping to themselves. Afterwards, the whole bus erupted into joyful waves and shouts of “hello” in English.
Yes, the timing of this photo coincides with the Chinese government’s belligerent response to Pelosi’s provocative touchdown in Taiwan. Yes, there is a strand of disgusting ugly nationalism that is on the ascendancy in China, just as it is in many other parts of the world. But I’m posting this for the simple purpose to remind everyone that we should never equate a regime to its people. And we should never let the shrill voices of populists and isolationists deafen us to the humanity of others.
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Alamak! SPR RIP 2006-2022
Alamak! Today marks the end of my status as a Singapore Permanent Resident. SPR RIP 2006-2022. 🇸🇬🙏
Filing my final paperwork here at the Singapore Consulate in Shanghai, I couldn’t help but reminisce about what this status has meant to me over the years. Buying and selling two properties, setting up two companies, getting a driving license, employing three domestic workers, raising two dogs, the list goes on.
I haven’t lived there since 2012, but I will always consider Singapore to be a home from home. I will always have unquenchable cravings for mee siam, nasi padang, roti prata and ais kacang. And I will always remember the meanings of MRT, ERP, CBD, PIE, HDB, PAP, LTA, and - now most importantly - CPF.
As a fitting accompaniment to this event, Shanghai offered up a blazing 39℃ afternoon. So I marked the occasion with a sweaty walk home in the sun, a smile on my face and a twinkle in my eye.
Wa seng zao liao! See you again soon, Singapore.
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Surly Teenagers in a Mall
I’m posing like a surly teenager whose parents have allowed them to go to the local mall. Because that’s exactly how it feels like to be in Shanghai right now. We’ve been granted more freedom, but we still don’t have any agency, and there still isn’t much to do. So you end up mainly shuffling around like listless teenagers, bemoaning authority figures and their stupid rules. Some of our friends keep getting ‘grounded’ at home, and the same might happen to us, for reasons our teenage brains can’t process. It’s, like, so unfair.
So when people ask me how I’m doing, I usually find myself answering just like a teenager. I mumble something about being ‘OK’, while it’s quite clear that I’m being antisocial, short-tempered and petulant. But putting one foot after the other and ‘getting on with it’ is how I survived my teenage years, and that’s what I’m doing now. It’s an awkward phase I’m going through.
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An Impressive but Unsustainable Spectacle
So we’ve received a ticket which allows one person per household outside our residential compound for a few hours each day. And what greets us there is a facsimile of normal life. The streets are beginning to fill with people, one or two shops have started to open, and makeshift hair salons have popped up on every other corner. Back at home, things are also looking a little closer to normal. As supplies have started to become easier to obtain, we’ve slowly been emptying the fridge of ‘essentials’ and letting it fall back into its natural state: as a receptacle for alcohol mixers and neglected jars of condiments.
It feels like we’re finally coming to the end of our Shanghai lockdown story. When the dust has completely settled on the world’s response to the pandemic, we can have a grand debate about the chaos of freedom versus the tyranny of protection. But right now, the key verdict on the last three months is that China remains in zero-rush to relax its zero-COVID policy, exhibiting zero-interest in reintegrating into the rest of the world. So international folks will continue having a tough time trying to keep one foot in China and the other elsewhere. At this point we’re all Jean-Claude Van-Damme doing the splits on two slowly diverging Volvo trucks. An impressive spectacle, but not one that can be sustained forever.
For the last few weeks, I’ve been focusing most of my creative energy on writing these Shanghai updates for Denny and me. I’ve taken pains to strike a personal and balanced tone, being truthful to our own experience while trying not to misrepresent the experiences of others. This phase is now coming to an end, and I will soon pivot back to my usual creative outlet of producing the Mosaic of China podcast. I’m much more comfortable being a conduit for other people’s voices rather than dominating the full bandwidth with my own. But what will remain constant are the details about life in China that you usually can’t find anywhere else. Thank you for following our lockdown story. Hopefully from now on I’ll be back to posting with a little more variety, a little less frequency, and a lot less intensity.
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Piazza Privilege
This post is about privilege. Today we decided to use our tiny balcony to pretend that we were in an Italian piazza rather than stuck in our Shanghai apartment. This weekend we made a feast out of the fanciest cheeses and cold cuts from our fridge. We’ve recently watched Dune, The Power of the Dog, West Side Story and CODA, all from the comfort of our (increasingly sagging) couch. And we’re surrounded by neighbours in our compound who have been very kind and supportive to one-another throughout these harsh few weeks of confinement. Even though we’ve lost our freedom for a total of 56 days and counting, we’re still luckier than 99% of people in Shanghai.
Living for so long in China starts to make you a little inured to the all-pervasive miasma of state power. So your messages of support over the last couple of months have not just been a massive morale booster, but also a useful reminder that this hasn’t been ‘normal’, and there is such a thing as individual human dignity. Having said that, it has been a little uncomfortable to read comments about our “bravery” and “endurance”, when in fact for the most part we’ve been able to wallow in the luxury of denial and disassociation. That’s the power of privilege, even in times like these.
We’ve certainly had our lows. This whole time, Denny has been working from home with a broken hand. And while I’ve been telling myself that I’m functioning fine, my body has been telling me that I’m not. One day let me regale you with all the fun and creative symptoms it came up with. But for now, I’m taking a cue from the weather and am starting the week with a sunnier disposition. Parts of Shanghai are supposedly opening up this week. No doubt there will be many days of continued false hope and confusion before this means anything to us. Until then, I’ll be in my Italian piazza. Finché c'è vita c'è speranza.
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China as an Overbearing Parent
A few residential compounds have started to open up in Shanghai, and there’s hope that this represents the beginning of the end of this harsh city lockdown. In our case, one of our neighbours has been entrusted with the key to the lock on our gate, and she has started to leave it unlocked at random times of the day. We have no idea how this seemingly arbitrary decision got made, or by whom. But we’re in no mood to enquire; we just want to take a walk around the block.
There’s no thought of celebrating yet, while so many of our friends remain behind closed doors. Besides, the streets remain empty; shops remain closed; and everyone is nervous that the slightest uptick in positive COVID cases may put us all back to square one. And square one is where most of the city still languishes, just by luck of the lockdown lottery.
The two questions we’ve recently been asked the most are: 1) Why is China doing this? And 2) Why would anyone now wish to remain in Shanghai? To answer the first question, I would need to explain how China works, and only an idiot would try to suggest one unifying theory. So here’s mine.
China seriously cares for its people. That’s a fact. But it cares for them as a 1.4 billion collective, not as 1.4 billion individuals. China is an overbearing parent looking after their single child. They only want the best for it. They let it play, albeit under very tight supervision. They tell it what to do, and scold it when it steps out of line. No nuance; no negotiation. Does an overbearing parent always know what’s best for their child? And when other parents offer them unsolicited advice or criticism, does an overbearing parent get offended?
It’s an only child: the child is one; the child is indivisible. The parent does not need to understand each of the 1.4 billion individual cells that constitutes their child. Why would the concept of a cell even occur to them? The same goes for certain clusters of cells, certain organs and systems. If the parent feels that they’re keeping the child in general good health, does it matter to them what a tonsil does? Or a gallbladder, or an endocrine system? So long as China feels that it’s keeping 1.4 billion people in indivisible harmony, then what do the needs of a specific minority group matter? Or a city? Or a functioning system of public discourse? There’s a fundamental disconnect between the pure parental love of the child, and the complicated tangle of biology beneath its skin.
Most people outside of China (and some of us within!) just view the situation from the perspective of the cell. But in making this entirely accurate assessment, we’re also missing half the picture. The cells are also the child is also the cells. So an average individual in China feels both loved and unloved at the same time. Hugged too tight, and heedlessly ignored. Schrödinger was late to the game, the Chinese have understood the paradox of yin and yang for centuries. Today’s China is a mixture of Confucius, Han Feizi and Mao. While from the outside, we only see it through the prism of Beckett, Kafka, and Orwell.
So having lived through China’s recent metaphorical heart attack in Shanghai, we need to turn to the second question: why would anyone who has a choice decide to remain in China?
This is a question that every person must answer individually, so I can only speak for myself. My answer is that cross-cultural experience isn’t just about traveling the world comparing delicious desserts. You can learn more from panic attacks than you can from patisseries. Would I prefer to be eating pear tarts in Paris right now? Oui. But do I also value being able to think like I do, and view the world like I do? And at exactly what point does that privilege come at a price that I’m no longer willing to pay?
Making the decision to stay or leave one place or another is always a question of principle and practicality. When the effects of COVID-19 were ravaging your city, did you break your lease, quit your job, cut ties with your community, and relocate? It would be understandable if you had, but just as understandable if you hadn’t. We won’t stay in China forever; at some point the winds of fate that blew us here will also blow us away. Until then, we’re going to continue making the most out of our time in this land of paradox.
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Silent Protest
Our compound has officially been designated as unsealed. But surprise surprise… it’s not. This is the 35th day that Denny and I have spent behind our gate, and no-one can adequately explain why these unsealing ‘rules’ don’t apply to us. Somebody somewhere has decided that it’s just easiest to keep us behind a padlock.
We’re still totally fine. It’s not that we’re getting used to it; we’re just trying to let the nonsense wash over us. The good news is that we’re no longer constantly worrying about food supplies. Government rations and collective purchases arrive in bulk at random intervals, triggering impromptu rounds of Vegetable Tetris and Egg Jenga. Most of our neighbours are Chinese, so these deliveries skew towards the dumpling and the wonton. There’s sadly no chance of organising group purchases of Haribo and Valium.
We’ve both been receiving little burns and cuts to our hands, evidence not only of how much time we’re spending preparing food, but also of our general cognitive decline. In the shower this morning, I forgot whether I had already shampooed or not. So maybe I did it twice today, I honestly don’t know.
I can’t speak for the whole city, each compound has it’s own set of circumstances, and all I can do is describe our own. One unifying factor is that we’ve all been asked to share photos of our negative test results in community WeChat groups, so at least these have become a creative outlet for silent protest. Apart from that, there’s nothing any of us can do but continue playing our parts in this theatre of the absurd.
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A Small Taste of Freedom?
Some positive news. 😊
Firstly, we managed to secure some supplies of food through a combined purchase with 2 other neighbouring compounds. 🍚🍎🍊🥛
Secondly, we left the compound for 10 minutes for a streetside COVID test, our first small taste of freedom in 5 days. ☀️🆓☀️
And finally, I suddenly remembered that we had some spare wheat beer that was gifted to us by Peter Fuchs just before we went on a wheat-free diet. So we decided to donate it to our compound, and brought a few smiles to the community. 😍🍻
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Guys, You Can’t Control Omicron
Here’s a quick roundup of our personal situation in Shanghai right now.
We initially had a 9-day lockdown, after which we had 6 days of freedom. Now we’re on day 7 of our second lockdown, which has been even harsher than the first. But there are some people who have been locked in for the entire 3 week period. And others have tested positive for COVID-19 and have been carted off to central quarantine, separated from children and pets. So the situation for us isn’t as bad as others in Shanghai.
The food supply chain has practically ground to a halt, and grocery deliveries are almost impossible. Some of the larger residential compounds have been able to organise bulk orders from a few suppliers. But smaller compounds like ours have no buying power. For the first time, all the people in our compound have formed a group on WeChat, and it’s a full-time job to keep up with our collective attempts to bulk-purchase essentials such as eggs, milk, bread and apples. We have somehow managed to form an alliance with a couple of the other neighbouring lanes, so here’s hoping we can successfully manage something soon. In the meantime none of us are allowed to leave our individual apartments, and the gate to our compound remains locked from the outside. For the last few days, the only delivery we have personally received has been a care package of 10 eggs, some cured pork, and some weird powdered medicine.
We still have
- Netflix
- Booze
- Negative COVID test results
- Enough food for the next few days
We’re running low on
- Everything else
Despite all this, we’re doing OK. The sun is shining, the air is clean, and we’re keeping ourselves active and happy. It is what it is. In Shanghai we’ve had it easier than most others around the globe until now, so now it’s our turn. And all this is nothing compared to some parts of the world, where people are sheltering in basements rather than cosy apartments, with even less access to food and water, listening to their homes and schools and hospitals being bombed. 💙🙏🇺🇦💛
You’ll notice that at this point I’m not at all worried about COVID-19 itself. We’re triple vaccinated, and the omicron variant is both low-risk and near impossible to control. Let’s hope that the authorities here can come to the same conclusion soon. In their noble efforts to take care of the people of Shanghai, they’re demonstrating the true meaning of the phrase “killing us with kindness”. 😞
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2022 Reads Like '2020 Too'
As you have probably read, China is experiencing its worst COVID-19 outbreak since early 2020, and around 40 million people across the country are currently on some kind of lockdown.
As I was attempting to leave our compound to get a cup of coffee this morning, I realised that this number now includes Denny and me.
The good news is that for now it’s just for 48 hours, we’re still allowed food deliveries, and the mandatory testing station is conveniently located at the school next door. The policeman guarding our gate was happy to take this photo.
We’re not the only ones in this situation, many of our friends in Shanghai also woke up to the same thing. Which is why for us, 2022 reads like “2020 too”.
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Geopolitical Quagmire
We’ve traveled to the North East of China, to the ski resort of Beidahu. Planned weeks ago, it now comes as a welcome distraction from doom-scrolling through news apps.
I have Russian friends and I have Ukrainian friends, and none of them support this war. I have Swiss friends, and I have Turkish friends, and none of them predicted this fleeting moment of unity. I have American friends and Chinese friends, and we can all agree on the need to create the conditions that will force a diplomatic off-ramp.
I’m the son of refugees from the Soviet invasion of Czechoslovakia in 1968. It took over 20 years to even begin untangling that mess. And right now I’m on a ski trip not far from North Korea, another decades-long geopolitical quagmire.
I’m just hoping that we’re not witnessing the birth of yet another one. 🇷🇺🌏🇺🇦
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Retail Therapy
I’m feeling crap about the state of the world right now. So the only antidote I know to momentarily ease this existential angst is to post photos of the latest trend in China retail: brand names that sound like someone clearing their throat. 😷
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