The Relationships of a "Long-Term Foreigner"
Three Thanksgiving meals in three days is a bit too much gratitude. But I do feel lucky getting to spend time with these lovely people in Shanghai. 🫶
Thinking in threes, I’ve recently been ruminating about the three types of relationship that have defined my experience as a “long-term foreigner”.
1) Relationship to locals.
Integrating into local communities is the most basic aspect of life as a foreigner. And yet it’s arguably the trickiest, especially if your partner is also foreign. I’ve been better at this in the past, like when I was young and single in Japan, or when I was an office employee in Singapore. But these days I think I’ve integrated quite poorly. I have a good number of Chinese acquaintances, and I love my everyday interactions with Chinese people of all descriptions. But deep and close friendships? Not many. Not enough. I attribute this to a combination of personal factors. But I could also substitute the word “factors” for the word “excuses”. I need to make more of an effort to nurture these friendships.
2) Relationship to other foreigners.
Belonging to networks of other foreigners is another key element to this long-term lifestyle. Because it’s grounding to match your specific life experience to those around you. Simple as that. And yet what makes these friendships highest in relatability can also be what makes them highest in unpredictability. Many don’t stay in the same place for extended periods. I’m grateful to be able to travel the world and catch up with a diaspora of international friends. But that’s a luxury. The plates that need the most regular spinning are the ones belonging to this category of relationship in Shanghai.
3) Relationship to authority.
At certain points in your existence you need to butt up against the authorities. These interactions are what help you understand the wider society in which you live. And how welcome you are. And what particular combination of control, competence and corruption makes things tick along in any one place. In an ideal world, the work of an authority figure should be like the work of a Hollywood movie editor. Their job is to keep the story running smoothly and cohesively, and if they’ve done their job correctly then you shouldn’t even notice them at all. And that’s all that I’m going to say about that.
I’m writing this as a “long-term foreigner”, but that’s the stealth phrase that I’m using for the word “immigrant”. Whether or not you relate to either identity, I hope that reading this helps you give a little extra grace to the foreigners in your midst.
For the Instagram version, see here.
For the Facebook version, see here.
For the LinkedIn version, see here.
For the Substack version, see here.
Sixty in Sicily
I will never tire of seeing how people react when they learn of my husband's age. There's usually a mixture of shock, confusion, joy and jealousy. And now the game just got even better...
We concluded our epic two-week Italian trip with a 'Sixty in Sicily' celebration. Happy birthday Denny, and a massive thanks to everyone who could share the occasion with us. 🫶🥰
For the Instagram version, see here.
For the Facebook version, see here.
For the YouTube version, see here.
Barcelona and Location Independence
The biggest change I’ve noticed in Barcelona since I was last here seven years ago is the way its popularity has soared. I don’t mean as a travel destination, we all know about the city’s efforts to clamp down on over-tourism. I mean as a place for people to base themselves for work, especially now that location-independent careers have become more accepted since COVID-19. It’s an incredibly well-connected city, offering a balanced lifestyle, in a permissive culture-rich environment.
On the subject of location-independence, I need to forgo my usual British fake modesty for a second… because we were so far ahead of the curve on this when I co-founded ChapmanCG in 2008. Peripatetic and paperless, we were liable to pop up anywhere in the world, it’s no wonder that I still live these values six years into my retirement from the company. And if that means that for a short while I get to see the people in these photos - including Ben Davies, who we hired into the company 15 years ago - then I don’t yet see a reason to stop.
For the Instagram version, see here.
For the Facebook version, see here.
For the LinkedIn version, see here.
Six Doors Away
I lived six doors away from this boy until the age of 18. He had a ginger cat called Rex who could climb up the wallpaper with his claws, but not climb down again. We played Sonic the Hedgehog on his Sega Mega Drive. He had a little sister called Suhasini, who liked Boyzone. Their house smelt like chai latte. My house smelt like pork goulash. At mine we played Monopoly and Scrabble: here’s photographic evidence from August 1993 - I was already 16 years old but still looked 12. I wasn’t very popular at school. I can’t speak for Amrish, but I don’t think he was either. So it was good to have a default buddy to fall back on when we had nothing else to do at the weekend. I remember one day spending eight hours at the North Harrow Superbowl. They must’ve had a special summer daytime deal, we bowled until our fingers were raw. Otherwise I remember mostly going to the St. Ann’s Shopping Centre in Harrow-on-the-Hill. We watched movies and bought electronics and cheap clothes.
Then we didn’t see eachother for the next thirty years. We kept in touch electronically, and shared a passion for travel. Out of the blue I got an invite to his wedding. I was amazed and touched to receive it. I knew I probably couldn’t go, since I had no plans to be in London at that time. So I sent an immediate reply to apologise. But then I realised… there was actually nothing stopping me making the trip. And so here I am. This is the reason for my trip. I want to celebrate Amrish’s wedding to Anna. And I want to thank him for being an old friend.
For the Instagram version, see here.
For the Facebook version, see here.
World-Class New York
As holiday destinations go, you can’t get more mainstream than New York. But it’s mainstream for a reason. It has an energy that comes close to our home city of Shanghai: the pace, the scale, the over-commercialism, the overstimulation, the glitz/grime, the impatience, and the surprise encounters with people you pass on the street. But more than that, New York has the kind of diversity that other places simply cannot match. The locals complain that it’s changing too fast, becoming too homogenised. They’re probably right. But it’s still got way more going for it than most other places that impudently call themselves world-class global cities.
New York is THE global city, so it’s only natural that so many of my global community are either based here, or have recently gravitated here from Asia. I only realised exactly how many this was when they all agreed to drop in to a small bar in Hell’s Kitchen. The evening was a timely reminder that those reports of New York’s demise are wildly overblown. And that those of New York’s high cost of living… are not. 💸😬
For the Instagram version, see here.
For the Facebook version, see here.
For the YouTube version, see here.
For the LinkedIn version, see here.
Mala and Me
These days it’s not so common for a Global Head of HR to still make time to see me when they pass through Shanghai. So when it happens, I feel the need to celebrate it, especially when they happen to be the fabulous Mala Singh.
We covered a hundred topics over breakfast, and exchanged survival tips on managing the everyday complexities of this multifarious multi-polar world. The only teeny tiny difference between us being that she also manages the worldwide people strategy for Electronic Arts (EA) and the co-parenting of 3 kids, whereas I can barely manage myself.
Thank you so much Mala. And let this also be a guilt-trip to all the other CHROs reading this right now. Do not come through Shanghai without becoming breakfast buddies. ☕️
For the Facebook version, see here.
For the LinkedIn version, see here.
My Rabbi Aaron
I want to introduce you all to my Rabbi in North-West London, Rabbi Aaron Goldstein. He generously made time for an impromptu coffee together while I’m here on a short visit.
He’s an amazing leader for the local community, as well as a tireless advocate for women, for the Jewish diaspora in Ukraine, for immigrants in the UK, for LGBT+ inclusion, for Muslim Uighurs in Xinjiang, for democracy in Israel, and for many more causes that a lot of us talk about but don’t know how to support. And on top of all that, he’s just… a nice guy.
We only had 20 minutes together, but just knowing that people like him exist makes me feel a bit better about this forsaken little planet. 🌍💙
For the Instagram version, see here.
For the Facebook version, see here.
London Homecoming
Don’t wait until the next wedding, or the next funeral. We can always make the effort to meet each other, simply to show that we value the connection we have with one another. 👫
After four years away, this was by far the best of all London homecomings. I’m sure I wasn’t the only person in these photos who had been feeling nervous about seeing each other again. We’ve all become so adult, so independent. So concerned with our own family units, our own problems. But in the end it took just one afternoon to forget about the years apart, and to get back to making new memories together. 🥰
For the Facebook version, see here.
For the YouTube version, see here.
Fifteen Years of Nurture
For the last 15 years, I have nurtured a network of HR and Talent leaders around the world, but especially in Tokyo. My ethos was always simply to treat everyone as human beings, rather than to commoditise relationships by treating them as “clients” or “candidates.”
I’m not sure I was always successful in this endeavour. But now that I’ve retired as a headhunter, I’m happy that I can still count so many of them as friends. And I’m grateful that a handful of these special people were able to make some time for a meet-up in this special city.
過去15 年間、私は世界中、特に東京において人事および人材リーダーのネットワークを築いて来ました。私の理念は常に、すべての人を「顧客」や「候補者」として扱うことで関係性を商品化せず、人として関わることでした。
この取り組みで常に成功したかどうかはわかりません。しかし、ヘッドハンターとして引退した今でも、たくさんの人をまだ友人と呼べることに満足しています。そして、少数の特別な人たちと時間を共有し、この特別な都市で集まれたことに感謝しています。
これからもよろしきお願いします❣️
For the Instagram version, see here.
For the Facebook version, see here.
For the LinkedIn version, see here.
Touchdown Tokyo!
東京にタッチダウン🗼‼️
Touchdown Tokyo!
I’m back in the country where my love affair with Asia first started back in 1999. 😳
And what better way to spend the day than people-watching in Shinagawa, kaiten-sushi in Shinjuku, scramble-crossing in Shibuya, and a coffee date in Akasaka with the beautiful Sonya Ito. 💜👫💜
For the Instagram version, see here.
For the Facebook version, see here.
Three Tips for Visiting Singapore
It WAS NOT a mistake to spend the last two weeks in Singapore, reconnecting with a city that I love. 🇸🇬🥰
But it WAS a mistake to wait until the end of my trip to post photos. Thank you to everyone who could make it for a reunion. And sorry to those I missed, I physically couldn’t squeeze in one more thing!
3 key points I’m glad I remembered:
1️⃣ Don’t be in a rush. You’re on the equator.
2️⃣ Don’t eat spicy laksa wearing anything white.
3️⃣ Dry between your toes. This place is fecund.
For the Facebook version, see here.
For the LinkedIn version, see here.
The Mosaic of China Podcast Enters its Third Season
Like many of us in Shanghai, I’ve been feeling thoroughly displeased for the last few months. But I’ve decided that it’s time to come out of mourning for ‘life before COVID-Zero’ and to start living again. Or at least to enjoy whatever window of freedom we have been granted for this moment.
Luckily, I found 200 people who felt the same way, and we gathered in Shanghai to celebrate the Season 03 launch of the Mosaic of China podcast. With a fantastic slate of 30 new guests coming up over the next 30 weeks, this season is the reminder we all needed that there are still some amazing people under our noses, representing 30 unique perspectives on what it’s like to live and work in China. A true Mosaic.
For the Facebook version, see here.
For the LinkedIn version, see here.
The Christmas Entourage
We welcomed Christmas Cheer, but she then invited her friend Christmas Gluttony, who in turn brought along her cousins Christmas Shame and Regret. Those cousins didn’t think much of our home-made egg nog.
Now we need to meet up with Christmas Gym and Christmas Diet, those needy and pathetic acquaintances that we can never seem to shake off. 😤
For the Instagram version, see here.
For the Facebook version, see here.
The Slump Behind The Smile
I’m not going to lie, I’ve been in a massive slump these last few weeks. Lethargy; brain-fog; inattentiveness: the works. 🌧😵💫
I wouldn’t say I’m out of the slump yet. But I’m grateful that the last few days coincided with Thanksgiving, an early Christmas dinner, and the first night of Chanukah. These three evenings allowed us to share the company of some lovely humans, and made me feel a little more reconnected. ❤️🦃🎅🕎
I’m sure I’m not the only one feeling this way. So rather than just share a bunch of happy photos, I wanted to be honest about my emotional state behind them. As we approach the end of the year, let me remind you to please take care of yourself, and - if you have the capacity - those around you. 👫👬👫
For the Instagram version, see here.
For the Facebook version, see here.
Beijing Rocks!
I’ve always felt intimidated by Beijing. To me it’s always been a big, cold city where the power of government looms large. But just one evening with these warm and generous people has already helped to disabuse me of that hang-up. 😊
For the Instagram version, see here.
For the LinkedIn version, see here.